2 posts tagged “chillen”

right, so, the ongoing saga of sexy...

boy: SusieQ (a made-up name for a girl in his class) says that "sexy" is a bad word.

me: there aren't really bad words, honey, it's in how you use them, and how people feel about them.

i explain how language is used as a weapon or a tool, how namecalling can really hurt, how different people react to being called "pretty" (which is a perfectly acceptable word to say that someone looks nice that day), how "sexy" is not the best word to use at his age, etc.  his response?

"well, SusieQ *did* look sexy today."

and i can't refute it, because i saw what the girl was wearing -- she reminded me of britney circa "...baby one more time," only without the belly exposed. i mean, who the hell dresses their kindergartener like a hot teen catholic girl? i try to explain that it's better if he said that SusieQ looked pretty or had a nice outfit on, all the time wondering if he actually told her that she looked sexy, and wondering if the mom will get upset that he said that (considering the mom let her daughter go out of the house dressed like that and has a tendency to, er, wear less and tighter clothing than i would feel comfortable doing).

the boy is just being honest, and experimenting with language -- i can't really condemn him for it, especially if there are moms out there who dress their kids in a way that strikes me as totally inapproriate for playing in the sandbox or hanging from the monkey bars.

(this is also the girl with a boyfriend, and who always has to line up first at the door to go to class, five minutes before the bell rings. i know her parents are getting divorced and all, but i just have a bad feeling about this... i mean, i had a boyfriend when i was in first grade, a third grader, but i'm pretty sure i was wearing jeans and not cute short little flirty pleated skirts.)

i thought this crap didn't start until 6th grade? apparently not...

so, i'm volunteering in the boy's kindergarten classroom today, and he asks me about the word "sexy" (this is not the first time he has used this word -- in november, he asked his aunt to "smile sexy," and apparently earlier today, he described his writing of his name as "sexy;" we're not sure where he picked up the word, and it seems he is not entirely up on what it means). as i am surrounded by impressionable kids, near another volunteering parent and the classroom helper, i feel a little pressured to handle this correctly. i state that the word "sexy" is thought of by some as not being an appropriate word to be used by people his age. then his buddy gabby joins the convo, stating that "sexy" means pretty, but that we aren't supposed to use it in school.

i let the topic die at this point, but it seems clear that i am going to have to address this issue with him tonight. i've already heard from the parent of one of his friends because duncan was talking about zombies at child care, and the parent had no idea where he found out about them (we discuss pirate zombies and monkey pirates all the time, and the boy wants to be a zombie ewok for halloween this year -- he does a very good "ocha brains," complete with extended arms).

but how the hell do i do this? i don't want to get into the whole convoluted aspect of breasts-as-sex-symbol-or-source-of-sustenance (there will be time for that later). and he's a little young for the whole sex talk thing right now. but you can't just say that "sexy" is like "cool" or "pretty," because it's tied up in the concept of sex, and i don't relish hearing from one of the parents that duncan talked about justin timberlake bringing sexyback. the husband (conveniently out of town, as is what usually happens in cases like these) suggests linking "sexy" to kissing, which the boy disdains (except when it's relatives giving him kisses). this might work, but this is the boy who saw scarlett johansson on the grammies and went gaga over her, ahem, assets (i think he is a breast man). we use the proper names for body parts with him, and try to explain that certain concepts are not to be talked about in public. so i feel obliged to be disgustingly honest with him, but i don't think he is ready yet.

if anyone has any suggestions, i'd love to hear them...